


To flourish

by nefertiti1052



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depressed Dan Howell, Fluff, Garden Design, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 20:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14316891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefertiti1052/pseuds/nefertiti1052
Summary: The gloomy autumn weather matched Dan’s mood perfectly. He was a depressed writer who got out of a toxic relationship and was experiencing the biggest writer’s block of his rising career. In recent months, he had decided to wear all black to represent how dead he felt inside, and to keep people away; it seemed to work.He moved out of the shared flat into a little house by the seaside and started working on his back garden to cope with the loss of who he once thought was the love of his life.





	To flourish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kimberly_a](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberly_a/gifts).



> a/n: Thank you so much to @artlessdynamite on tumblr for being my beta, Mari you are a babe!.
> 
> a/n 2: I would love to dedicate this to my friend @adorkablephil (kimberly_a on ao3) for being my inspiration to start writing and a constant source of encouragement. Thank you for your patience and friendship.

 

The gloomy autumn weather matched Dan’s mood perfectly. He was a depressed writer who got out of a toxic relationship and was experiencing the biggest writer’s block of his rising career. In recent months, he had decided to wear all black to represent how dead he felt inside, and to keep people away; it seemed to work.

 

He moved out of the shared flat into a little house by the seaside and started working on his back garden to cope with the loss of who he once thought was the love of his life.

 

Two months after, starting therapy and moving into his little cottage he decided to start making it into a home. Part of him didn’t feel like waking up, and even less like learning gardening, but reading and being occupied kept him from overthinking and blaming himself for putting up with so much.

 

He had no life so he would give new life to plants instead.

 

He smiled sadly thinking of his naivete to consider such a self-absorbed person would have a place in his heart for anyone else other than himself.

 

Dan knows it wasn’t Robert’s fault alone. He had stayed after all the hurtful comments, the overpowering screaming, and the cold and lonely nights when he decided he didn’t want to share their bed.

 

“I would rather sleep alone than to have you cling to me like a touch starved puppy.” Dan shook his head observing his roses.

It wasn’t love. Dan was a fool, and that was the biggest cause of his suffering. But he did not cry. Not after the first day.

 

He felt empty, dead, dry; like a desert.

 

The new hobby proved to be just what dan needed. After almost a year of mastering his gardening skills and some research on the meaning of plants, he decided to get a tattoo. It would be the flower he felt represented him best in this new stage in life.  

 

Slowly but surely, Dan started to add very small coloured details to his wardrobe in the form of minimalistic flower patterns.  

 

Every week, when he walked to town to see his therapist, he passed by a tattoo parlour and looked at the flower designs showcased in the shop.

 

Phil, the owner of said shop, noticed him looking in on several occasions and felt intrigued by the man, so he decided to strike a conversation with the beautiful stranger in the next available opportunity.

 

A few weeks later, he finally caught Dan observing his work and asked him if he liked his flower designs. Dan blushed, partly because he hadn’t noticed he was being watched and partly because of the adorable looking man who had gotten out of the shop to talk to him. His colourful attire looked like the opposite of Dan’s and his smile was beautiful and gentle, it made Dan feel warm.

 

He told Phil he was thinking of getting a tattoo of a flower but he couldn’t decide on which one to get. Phil smiled and offered to show him his portfolio, but Dan explained he wanted to decide based on its meaning and consider design options then.

 

Each week, they talked for a few minutes about their day or Dan’s garden. Every chat got a bit longer and every smile got a bit wider.

 

A lucky Friday, while they were speaking, a horrible thunderstorm forced Dan to stay longer than usual. Phil decided to close the shop and grab a coffee with him at the coffee shop right next door.

 

They talked for hours and after the storm had passed, he drove Dan home.

 

Phil slowly started to work his way into Dan’s heart. He knew right away he had met a special person; someone who would be important in his life.

 

When spring came around, Phil got to see Dan’s garden, not only was it colourful, but it was carefully designed as well. He told Dan he should start a business.

 

Dan looked thoughtful. His writing was not going anywhere at the moment, and working on his garden really helped him to feel better. It was definitely an idea to consider.

 

—

 

Phil introduced Dan to his group of friends at a birthday party in which they stayed together all night laughing and joking around.

 

Not surprisingly, his friend Louise ambushed Phil in the kitchen and asked him when they had started dating. He explained that they were not dating, or at least Phil wasn’t sure if they were.

 

They weren’t seeing other people and they spent most of their free time together but he was afraid to scare Dan off if he asked if they could be together officially.

 

He knew Dan had had a horrible relationship; he didn’t get all the details but Dan had mentioned he used to live with his boyfriend when Phil asked him about his past. The cold look on his face and the distant eyes told Phil more than Dan had meant to share.

 

Dan got so quiet after that, that Phil decided to avoid the topic from then on. The thing that had disturbed him the most is that he recognized that look from the first times he caught Dan staring outside the shop. He never wanted to see him like that ever again.

 

He avoided thinking of his feelings in depth because he knew it would complicate things. But talking about Dan with his friend had opened the gates to Phil’s fears; he was falling in love. Louise, gave him a hug and told him to be honest, to her it was clear the feelings were mutual.

 

He was unsure of what to do or say but he couldn’t just hide for the rest of the party, so he returned to the couch he was sharing with Dan and found him laughing at a joke one of the guys had made. He looked so adorable and carefree. They made eye contact and Dan gave him the biggest smile Phil had ever seen on him. It made his stomach flip over; he couldn’t help but smile back.

 

After Phil saw Dan yawn for the third time, he offered to drive him home which Dan gladly accepted.

 

They drove in silence. Phil lost in thought; Dan watching his every detail in the moonlight.

 

When they got to his driveway, Phil turned off the car and stayed there silently.  

 

“Phil?”

 

“Hmm?” said Phil, finally looking at him.

 

“What’s wrong? you’ve been very quiet”

 

“Oh”, he whispered. “I guess I was thinking”

 

“About?” said Dan taking his hand.

 

Phil was getting more nervous by the second, he could either lie horribly, or he could jump in with both feet and tell Dan how he felt. He still didn’t know which way to go, so he decided to see where the conversation would flow naturally.

 

“Well” he sighed, “It’s complicated” he said, frustrated with his loss for words.

 

“How so?” Dan smiled.

 

“I don’t want this to come out the wrong way” he whined.

 

“Alright. Why don’t you come in for a cup of tea? We can sit in the garden and talk about what’s bothering you”.

 

“Ok” Phil sighed.

 

—

 

They walked through the cobbled path and sat on a stone bench looking to the small pond that was the centre of the garden.

 

They were surrounded by different kinds of flowers and bushes and illuminated only by the moonlight; Phil closed his eyes breathing in the beautiful scent. He felt calmer here; he knew what he had to do.

 

He looked at Dan taking his hand “I’ve been avoiding thinking what my feelings for you are exactly because I thought you probably wouldn’t want the same things I would” he said softly.

 

“Oh” said Dan, “And?”

 

“Tonight one of my friends asked me about us and I got scared because I realized…” he mumbled

 

Dan leaned in looking at his lips “You realized?” he whispered.

 

Phil cleared his throat “That I want to be your boyfriend” he said softly.

 

Dan closed the distance between them, kissing him softly and slowly, but just as intensely as Phil had imagined it would be. When they broke apart they both smiled.

 

“So, boyfriend. I know it’s lovely out here but it’s getting a bit chilly. Would you care to join me on the sofa for a cuddle and a movie with a fluffy blanket?”

 

Phil smiled, “Sounds perfect”.

 

—

 

Their relationship built slowly, with patience and care, just like Dan’s garden. Dan had talked to his therapist and agreed to quit his antidepressants.

 

Even though he started writing again, Dan had decided to start the Garden design business and he was slowly making a name for himself.

 

Not every day was good for Dan, but Phil was there to support him on every step of the way and his therapist was only a phone call away.

 

Almost a year after they officially started dating, Dan came into Phil’s shop to discuss the design of his tattoo; a blue lotus flower with hues of white and red.

 

Phil wanted to take his time drawing it, but he also needed to know the meaning before starting to work on it because he wanted to make it as perfect as possible for Dan.

 

Dan left a piece of paper on his desk and kissed him goodbye, smiling as he left for his therapy session.  

 

_“In ancient Egypt, this plant was known to be associated with rebirth. This is a consequence of it supposedly retracting into the water at night, and emerging a fresh in the Sun the next day._

_In Buddhism, it is associated with purity, spiritual awakening and faithfulness. It is seen as a sign of rebirth as well._

_The white flower is associated with beauty, fertility, prosperity, spirituality, and eternity._

_The blue lotus flower is associated with a victory of the spirit over that of wisdom, intelligence and knowledge._

_The red lotus is related to the heart and it is associated with that of love and compassion”._

That night Phil, came over to dinner very late and tired but wearing a huge smile. He showed Dan his finished design; it was the perfect piece of art to signify Dan’s journey. His depression, his struggles, his rebirth to overcome adversity, the purity of their friendship and love story all encompassed in a flower; Dan’s new found passion.

 

**Author's Note:**

> https://succubusphan.tumblr.com/post/172911663331/to-flourish
> 
> If you liked the fic and you wish to reblog it, feel free to do so.  
> Opinions are always welcome. Thank you for Reading!


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